


In The Deep Breaths and Dreaming

by ImmortalDisability (APHMamaBear)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Death, Disease, Fluff, M/M, Sexual Content, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-21 17:33:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2476514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/APHMamaBear/pseuds/ImmortalDisability
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They had been told that all nations were able to live forever but those, the few, whom had disappeared just simply vanished. As another nation, old and happy, becomes self aware of something wrong within his body the world begins to twist and turn of what real immortality is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure if I wish to drabble into this story quiet yet, so i'll leave it up to you guys of what you want to see. this is just an intro.

They were always told that they were lucky, they could live forever. But when people he knew around him started to vanish, started to become weak and decrepit, he knew for a fact they were truly wrong. He wondered when it was his time, he was getting old really. Scared to think of it, wondering who was next and knowing that the younger nation need not worry about this.

 

But he was one of the oldest. He had things to worry about.

 

He wondered what it would come from, failing economy? Simple age?

 

Well... He knew they didn't age.

 

Or at least it was just, slow.

 

\--

 

As he was waking he could feel the warm press of lips upon his neck, the light from outside shun in and he did not wish to bother with the morning quite yet. He tried to return back to sleep but the lips continued, moving down his neck to his shoulder, his partner's nose brushing against his skin, tickling him slightly.

 

"Wake up." The other sounded a bit groggy himself, "I made coffee."

 

"hmm No... Let me sleep. It's the weekend."

 

"Well this is my revenge for you getting me up in the morning with wanting to go for runs and shit." He paused before simply laying on the Dane, "You sick or something?"

 

"Just tired."

 

 

He felt the Dutchman's hand touch his forehead and cheeks and decided to ignore it. "Jan stop." He whined pushing his face back into the pillow.

 

The Dutchman retracted his hand and moved away, he was a little warm but it wasn't bad. He wondered if he was restless that night, there wasn't any nightmares. It was figured that he would've woken to that to try and calm the Dane down.

Instead of pushing the Dane more to get up he covered him with the covers, "Come down when you wake up, babe."

 

A amused smile spread across the Dane's face before he closed his eyes in rest.

 

-

 

Waking up felt like a bad idea to him but after the Dutchman left he couldn't help but open his eyes, looking at the closed door. He felt nauseous slightly but he figured it was only the lack of food in his stomach. It was weird, his head felt fuzzy as well, as if it was still staying asleep as his body was awake. Turning his head to the side he watched the window, seeing the little light flood in.

 

He wanted to go for his run, but in that morning he was fatigued for no reason.

 

 

He sat up slowly and pulled some bottoms on to go down the stairs to find his lover in the kitchen, moving close to wrap his arms around his waist.

 

"Ah so you did get up?" Jan asked, a tone of stability and tiredness in his voice, "Not lazy today after all, Math?"

"Just feeling a bit nauseous."

"Ah so you are sick."

"No, just empty stomach." He leaned his chin on Jan's shoulder, "don't even know if I can stomach food at the moment."

"May just need to wait."

 

His lips brushed against Jan's shoulder before leaning his forehead against it. "I'm going for a run."

 

"Then you eat something first..." Jan spoke simply, "don't run on an empty stomach it's a bad feeling."

 

 

Mathias chuckled a bit, "You always cared... What are you doing up so early?"

"Didn't have to wake in the middle of the night." Jan replied glancing back, "Glad to see someone is actually getting better rest."

 

"One week out of four of the month... Not bad." A plate of eggs was brought up to his face, he took it.

"Simple breakfast... Eat before you run."

 

"You coming with?" Mathias asked, bringing the plate back to the table with utensils and stared at the plate before eating.

 

"No... I have work to do."

 

He rolled his eyes, "You're at my house on vacation, why are you working."

"Cause people are idiots." Jan mumbled, "It'll only take today."

"Better..." Mathias said boredly, putting food into his mouth, "... May just get bored with my over worked boyfriend or you just may die from working to much... I give you a week." He joked.

 

A snort came from the Dutchman, "I'm not that stupid."

 

Not a moment later a kiss was placed on Jan's cheek, a plate in the sink, and soon a Dane out the door, "I'll be back, don't wait up"

 

\--

 

He felt breathless half way through but he pegged it was from the rough wakening. He jogged his usual route, keeping his pace as much as he could so his breaths could match. It was odd, they had seemed lighter as if he couldn't get all the air into his lungs.

Maybe he was getting a cold, but even that seemed off to him. Nations didn't get colds unless there was something wrong with their economy, environment, people.... And so far as he knew, they were okay. Pollution was down people were happy, economic was good.

 

Again, he blamed it on the sleeping. He had been prone to night terrors for a while, and even if he didn't have one that night didn't mean his sleep pattern weren't roughened up a bit.

 

Halfway through he took a break sitting off to the side on the sidewalk. Breathing he laid back in the grass... He knew he'd be a little late this morning. He just needed rest.

Watching the clouds he stayed there for a little while, till his breath was calm and he didn't feel to tired. Standing, he looked both ways, a bit surprised that there weren't many people out at this time. Then again, he didn't have many neighbors. Unlike his partner, he didn't live in the city, he found it nicer where he was, better for his pets anyway. There were fields, big and wide, filled with crops. He had sold the land he had to a couple farmers but decided to keep a tiny orchard in the back. It was home.

 

He set off again, jogging back home down the long strip of road.

 

\--

 

Standing at the window when he realized the other was gone longer than he should've been. He wasn't exactly the type who wanted his worry to show but as much as a cold demeanor can be icy there was warmth inside it none the less. he was a stickler for time, it was everything, if you were late there was either something wrong or laziness.

 

Mathias knew how the Dutchman felt about it. If there was a time limit on something he knew it would be flexible but not in the sense of a long span. Jan wasn't over baring, nor controlling... He worried easy that and the Dutchman was obsessed with being on time.

 

Either way he pulled himself away from it, he knew well the Dane was okay.

 

Within the half hour, Mathias had returned, covered in sweat and laughing.

"Really needed that run." Mathias said excitedly, moving up to the Dutchman to hug him up.

 

"You say that every... Oh god get off Mathias you're all sweaty!" He pushed.

 

"Did you take your shower yet?"

 

"No..."

 

The Dane laughed keeping his grip on the other. "We can just take a shower together then."

 

Jan only shrugged before lips pressed to his calmly.

 

"No but really Math get the shower ready you're all sweaty and shit..."

 

A laugh came from the other as he wandered off, soon followed by Jan in tow.

 

\--

 

The days moved on. As much as they lived normally there was more rough mornings that arose. It was harder for him to wake, needing a good jolt. It became like this over the course of a month, and soon it seemed harder for him to stay awake.

 

But through the time, both soon figured out that it wasn't just some sort of exhaustion of which they thought... But something else, far worse than they imagined.


	2. Apnea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apnea, apnoea, or apnœa (Greek: ἄπνοια, from ἀ-, privative, πνέειν, to breathe) is a term for suspension of external breathing.

It never occurred to him in an instance that he wasn’t visible. Mathias was the one to climb to the top of a tree, stands on the branches, and yell to the sky of his existence and present point. He looked upon stars and counted the little souls they bared, their lights shining on the black velvet canvas they called the sky.  
It was these nights he would think about voids and existence of beings of great power he always believed he was one of.  
It was as if even the sleepless nights and tired mornings were his ecstasy and adrenaline, the night terrors were his way of a poet’s haunting.  
\--

“I’m a king among men”

“Are you now?” the rich thick smoke poured from his lips, whitened more so by the cool air and the heat on his breath. Jan kept his seat upon the snow a fear of slipping keeping him bundled in jackets on the rooftop.

The snow had fallen heavily that day, coating the ground with the fluffy white substance. Mathias had found his way up to the roof of the home, sitting on the low slope as he watched the sun rise. Jan was to follow, nerves pushing him to do so in case the other was to fall.  
“I am… you are too.” The Dane continued, soon to stand on the packed snow on the roof. He opened his arms wide as the sun moved, rays hitting his body in a silhouette of gold.

Jan watched him, the cigarette dangling from his lips glowing. He took in another puff finishing it off before putting it into the snow next to the others they had left.

“My ass is cold lets go back inside.”  
“Stop being a baby and come stand with me.”  
“With my luck I’ll fall off the roof, so no.” He slowly skidded his way over to where the balcony was, climbing down carefully, “Come down when you want but don’t get a cold or something. Don’t fall off.”

He heard faint laughter after he went inside, closing the screen door but not locking it. He rubbed at his arms, he wasn’t one too well for the cold like his counterpart even though he enjoyed it. He went down the hall to the washroom, flicking on the lights as he entered. The rooms of the Dane surely loved little lights as they were lit up sporadically throughout the room. He undress after turning on the shower head, making sure the water was heated and the room was fogged with steam before he undressed and went to stand in the shower, taking in the warmth of the water. He truly loved heat.

Mathias not to long after the sun was fully risen slipped off the roof and onto the balcony, making his way into the home. He glanced around before heading over to his room, rummaging in the suitcase Jan had to place clothes into the drawer. It was always like Jan to never unpack, it wasn’t like he was going to shoo him out early. After that, he took one of his own large sweaters out from the closet along with a loose pair of jean and placed it onto the bed before stripping himself bare and deciding to sneak into the shower with the other man. Once in he slipped his arms around the other man, making him jump.

“Don’t tell me I scared you. I wasn’t that quiet.” A snicker came from the Dane as he pressed his lips softly to the Dutchman’s neck, “you need to make coffee.”  
“You can make coffee too you know.” Jan said back lazily, glancing back.  
“I like it when you make it though.” His hands warmed up against Jan’s stomach and the running water, “It tastes better.”  
“… How’d you sleep? I don’t have to wake you up again until morning now.” He paused and thought, “you’re the one usually waking first… you’re sleeping in a lot”  
“Been doing that a lot lately… haven’t had too many night terrors… more like nightmares now.”  
A small grunt was Jan’s reply before turning around, arms moving out of his way before feeling them slip back into place around his waist. He stayed silent for a moment.  
“I don’t know about you Jan but hey they seemed to get better.”  
Another grunt and Mathias pecked his lips with his own. “Go make me some coffee.”

\--

His chest was rising and falling unevenly, it was subtle but once they were on the couch, cuddled up next to each other Jan could feel the uneven breaths. Mathias had fallen asleep, arms wrapped around the Dutchman’s waist. Little breaths were lighter than they should’ve been. It wasn’t that unnerving, he figured he was just having a little dream that seemed a little rough.  
It was when Mathias started to grip and squirm that it wasn’t a normal dream small panicked sounds motioned out of the Dane’s chest. He decided to wake him before it got worse.  
“Mat..” He whispered, shaking him lightly to get him up and see if he was okay. It was odd to him, Mathias was one to wake up easier before the dreams started or at the beginning but in the past month it had been such a hassle even to wake him on the normal bases. It was today and a couple times before he was only up and about early. But on those days he seemed more exhausted than ever.  
“Mathias...” He pushed at him again rocking him a bit harder than before to get him up and soon enough moments later he did.  
The sound the Dane made made it as if he hadn’t been breathing at all.

Mathias’ chest hurt, more specifically his lungs. He took in large gasps of air in as a look of panic covered his face. He coughed, throat feeling dry, stomach churning as he inhaled. Soon after calming most of his coughing down he sat up quickly and covered his mouth, the urge to throw up there.  
Hands placed themselves onto his shoulders as he settled, air coming back in to normal paces and panicked eyes had settled. Nausea leaving the Dane’s system as he breath in deeper and slowly. Shock had run through both their cores, worry hitting Jan’s eyes instantly after.  
“You okay?”  
“Yeah... I think so, it’s probably just a rough patch.”  
“I’ve never seen you do that before.”  
Mathias shrugged as his only response, cuddling back into the other man soon after. “Think I just scared myself on the wake up.” He laughed, though behind it he wasn’t so sure.

\--

His run the day after Jan had left was late. Twelve in the afternoon and he ignored the call from his boss only to send in a text message apologizing. He felt as though he needed the day. Waking up that morning to drag himself out of bed in order to put food into his stomach that only felt to be empty. Running his normal route he felt himself needing to slow down again and stop halfway through to sip his water and take a small breath to continue. Coughing he stood up straight and cracked his knuckles before running again back home.  
His mind wandered, eyes moving to the fields of the farmland he passed on the way. It made him stop again, looking and gazing at the cows that were grazing close to the wheat farm next door. He smiled as he jogged the rest of the way back home.

He was tired again after he made his way onto the low roof, sitting upon it and looking at the clouds. Laying back he stretched his arms out to the sides, just thinking about the day.


	3. Influenza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Influenza is an infectious disease caused by the influenza virus. Symptoms can be mild to severe. The most common symptoms include: a high fever, runny nose, sore throat, muscle pains, headache, coughing, and feeling tired. There are other such forms of flu such as the stomach flu and many others that can be far severe.

He woke again with a deep inhale and harsh hurting lungs. There was no feeling of them expanding and though his mind was tired it was in slow panic as he tried to breathe normally but seemed he couldn’t.

The doctor had told him he had slight sleep apnea and that he would only be bothered by it sporadically. And though the doctor told him this, and that he did not mind it, even if it still hurt when it was closer to his waking. His lungs would stop, forget how to breathe, and he would wake up either choking or heaving in deep breaths as if he was starting his lungs up like a car.

This couldn’t be normal.

Especially for a man in his position.

As his lungs settled themselves he started his day, getting up and dressing in his running gear, there was no way he would stop this ritual of his. He quickly moved to his kitchen, taking in deep breaths as he walked and gathered food from the fridge to blend.

Berries, greens, nuts, Jan had thought of him as obsessed over weird concoctions of health drinks that may have looked and smelt somewhat peculiar but had the taste and energy that only his body really loved. Obsession though was not exactly the term he liked, but seeing as he had about five a day… he couldn’t well deny it even if he joked it was to combat his drinking.

He drank down this days first drink feeling a slight sting in his empty stomach but it cooled soon after. He hurried to the front door, tying his runners on his feet before setting his watch once more as he did every morning.

He set out after that, moving in a light jog down the street dusted and piled with snow. It was cold, his muscles tensed at the wind, shivering before he started in a full run. Breathing in the cold air brought a sting to his lungs but he loved it, using it as adrenaline as he ran at a steady pace along the long farmer’s road. The crops were gone, the sheep with it as well as the cows. It was completely white. He admired it, full heartedly admired the cold and the snow, he knew it was harsh, he knew it was beautiful, but he believed it to be more than that.

He always thought of such things as he ran, contemplating the world, why it was the way it was, how beautiful it is. People remarked him as that of an idiot, a man with his head in the clouds, but he knew better, he kept quiet even though he felt the angering sting of it ringing in his ears. There was a chance in the world that he was even better than them for keeping his mouth shut.

He stopped halfway through the run to catch his breath, his lungs letting him even go farther than they were letting him in the past month. He breathed in, blowing out white from the heat of his breath hitting the cold of the air. He smiled laughing and lifting his arms up into the air as he breathed in again. Winter had a certain smell to it, or that is what he had thought, almost a cool brisk of oak and pine. Stretching his arms above his head he took another deep breath before starting for his home.

The wind blew over loose snow carrying it with its breeze. Mathias honestly couldn't think of something more free at the moment, he watched it fly up into the air and trickle back down again. He never looked straight forward as he ran, jogged, or walked, Mathias cared more for the sights around him and how much beauty it would shine in that very moment. He only wanted to catch those glimpses.

It could be honestly put that Mathias felt better in the last months he first had troubles with his breathing. Though the doctor did give him a inhaler (in case it was Asthma), he refused to bring it with him nor take it. So far to him his lungs were only getting better without the help of some steroids shoved in a tiny inhaler... why indeed would he ever need it?

Less than a block from his home he had noticed a taxi car pull up to his house. he continued at his pace, curiosity sparked in his eyes as he watched the door fly open and the taxi driver get out, reaching into the truck for a large suitcase. As the passenger door swung open a familiar figure slowly emerged out. Mathias smiled widely, picking up his pace as he saw him, waving when he noticed Jan turning around.  
He sprinted until he was close enough to lightly jog into the other man, wrapping his arms as his breathes were heavy. Pressing into him as he smiled, humming at the scent of the Dutchman's cologne.

"Hey! I didn't know you were coming! How are you?" He asked pecking his lips to the other's cheek, "I've missed you."

Jan watched the Taxi man drive off before he answer, "uh yeah... Bit lonely, hadn't seen you in a while," He kissed Mathias sweetly on the lips, "I missed you too."

Mathias only returned the man’s words with a sweet smile on his lips and a short kiss back.

"It's cold."

"Baby... come, inside. I'll shower and you unpack." He watched Jan grab his bag before he took the Dutchman's arm, pulling him into the home.

"You know that cab cost a lot." Jan said, passing through the door, "Why do you live so far out?"  
Mathias gave a laugh, "Oddly enough I like the solitude."

"That is odd... Seeing as you're overly social as it is around others."

Another laugh and Mathias pecked his lips softly against Jan's, "Usually." He was off then to take his shower, being followed up the stairs by Jan yet ducked into the washroom as the Dutchman moved to the master bed.

Mathias' house was out by the farms, Jan figured it was because of the odd solitude the Dane had spoke of, but there was suspect of something much deeper in mind. He knew before the Dane was a warrior, a Viking, he was a farmer... maybe he wished to dwell? He knew Mathias was sentimental, he always held trinkets from his past and would look at them constantly.

Placing his suitcase on the floor he began to unpack, opening the back and putting his clothes into the drawer that was always cleared for when he came and stayed. The room was large and light compared to its darkened red carpets. An off white, yellowish in colour was hit upon the light walls as the sun loomed in from the various windows in the room. The windows in the room were large and he could see the sky and the far off dairy farm past the large grounds of snow that once contained abundance of wheat. It was beautiful and in a way it reminded him of home, mostly of Friesland. He continued, putting the last of his belongings in the drawer and taking his suitcase, bringing it down the stairs and placing it in the front closet.

In Jan's eyes Mathias had seemed to feel better but looked still ill, even in the slightest. He remembered the gasping when he had woken the Dane the last he visited. He planned on staying longer, maybe if he stayed he could hopefully watch over him... he was worried, he seemed to always be. He figure it was just his form of Anxiety.

A naked pair of lean arms slipped around his shoulders as he felt the cool wet strands of Mathias' hair on the back of his neck before soft kisses were places where the hair had touched. The tickle on his skin made him shiver slightly.

"So?"

Jan turned around to see Mathias, shirtless with only a pair of pajama bottoms on.

"Sooo?" He asked in return receiving a couple pecks upon his lips. Mathias was always over affectionate when they hadn't seen each other in a long time. He always had to hold him to kiss him properly.

"It there a purpose to your visit or did you just miss me?" Mathias' lips curled at its ends as he let go and moved backwards towards the kitchen, hands behind him like some innocent child trying to hold excitement.

It was the most genuine smile the Dane always made.

\--

Jan had stayed for fourteen days, watching Mathias’ mood and energy drain itself on the odd days, and today it had seemed to only worsen. He was bed sick, or that’s what Jan forced him too, the Dane was ever so stubborn when it came to doing anything by himself.

“Don’t make me call Ludwig.” Jan called from down the hall as he saw Mathias rise from the bed again, lowering back in when he heard the small threat.

Jan soon appeared in the room with a warm wet towel, placing it on the Dane’s forehead.

“I don’t remember you ever being this sick.”

Mathias glances away, sniffing, “it’s a cold.”

“I don’t think this is a cold…” He stated patting the towel on Mathias’ forehead, “Your cold sweating, you’ve been throwing up, your temperature has been through the roof… I’ve called your boss, she said she’ll come to see you but there’s nothing wrong with your governance or economy, or wrong enough for you to be remotely sick.” He sighed, leaving the towel on the other’s forehead, “you’re even shivering… not to mention your mood is down in the shitter…”

Mathias remained quiet, glancing out one of the many windows in his room to see the snow begin to fall. “I wonder what it would be like to be a snow flake.”

“Now that’s the crazy talk I know.” Jan smiled kissing at the other’s temple, “I’ll get you something that’ll help you.”

“Call Lukas…” Mathias said, voice catching in itself, “He’ll tell you what ever if you need the help for.”

“okay.” Nodding in return he stood up straight and made his way out of the bedroom stopping at the door, “If I see you up I will call Lukas or Ludwig to come over and help keep you in that bed…” He rose a brow with a little smirk.

“I’ll stay in bed geez.” Mathias’ laugh turned into a cough halfway through making Jan frown before moving down the stairs.

\---

He was throwing up everything he had in his stomach days later. Lukas had come onto his doorstep at the Dutchman’s request after four more days of this so called “cold”. With him, the Norwegian brother had brought with him all the concoctions he thought would cure his fever yet all it reminded Mathias of when they were younger and hospitals were no such thing.

“Here, I emptied it.” Lukas put the pale down next to Mathias’ bed, eyes glancing over the Dane’s face in worry that was hidden by his eye’s colour, “How are you feeling now?”

“Better.” The Dane nodded in return, “You didn’t have to clean that, I could ha-…”

Lukas held up his hand, “you’re not begging me… you’re sick, it’s the only time you keep your hugging at minimum.”

Mathias laughed, Lukas gave a little smile. Lukas was never exactly the hugging type, and even though Mathias knew that he always wanted to make sure the other felt loved in anyway.

Lukas took the mug that had been filled with a brew of an old time recipe.

“You always did say Eir* did have the best recipes.”

“Stop sounding so old, it doesn’t suit your childish face.” Lukas passed the cup back and forth in his hands, “I’ll make you some more, Jan will be up with food so I’ll be back with some more of this…” He looked up from the cup and over the Dane’s face, “You’re still pale…”

“I’ll be fine Lukas.”

Lukas wasn’t so sure after he nodded and left the room to the kitchen.

\---

Jan still slept in the same Bed as Mathias as the days went on, waking when terrors struck the Dane in the night or when his own old nightmares of dark memories clouded in his dreams.

He had stayed up this night watching the uneven breaths that reached through Mathias lungs to blow between his lips. He looked peaceful almost like a child in a way of the innocence of his face. His lips were slightly parted as little brushes of air seeped through slowly.

They were lucky Lukas had come, Mathias was soon to even keep food in his stomach after he had drunken that strong odorous brew that both stunk up and ruined the kitchen all in one. Jan had spent most of the time cleaning up the kitchen and pots. What was even in it? Either way, Mathias seemed better now that it was in his system. Jan couldn’t help but keep his hand in his caressing it softly with his thumb. Mathias had told him about the Apnea, it made Jan stay up an extra hour at night some nights when Mathias seemed more breathless. This was one of those nights, he watched as the other slept soundly with a face of an innocent boy yet the mind of thousand civilizations.

It was when the breathing stopped he held his own breath, he knew it would come back, it was only in a short amount of time and he counted the seconds until the breath would usually come back. But the breath had stopped and the next thing was the convulsing of Mathias’ Chest.

“Math?” He shook the other, turning him over onto his back hoping the breath would enter again.

“Mathias?!” His voice was louder but remained hushed, “Math come on wake up!”

Panic began to rise in his own chest, he didn’t know what to do. His chest was holding tight onto his own lungs as well.

“MATH!” He was loud this time shocking the Dane awake but instead of breathing there was a chocking, almost a gargle coming from Mathias.

Panic crossed their faces, Mathias reaching at his chest as he struggled. His body shook, tears brimming at his eyes as he watched Jan’s face back. Frozen, all Jan could do was hold the other’s shoulders.

“LUKAS!” Jan called, hearing the other Nord running down the hall and swinging the door open.  
Jan was holding Mathias’ shoulders, grip tight and his eyes wide as he watched Mathias.

“Move.” Grabbing Jan’s hands lightly Lukas brought them away from Mathias, moving to place his ear against Mathias’ chest.

“Call an Ambulance.” Lukas urged, hitting the Dutchman’s leg hard to get him moving and out of his shock.

Jan then dashed out the Bedroom door, reaching for the first phone he found and dialed. He called, hoping that someone who could understand him might answer, he knew his Danish was scrappy so he started to blather his words quickly and urgently in English.  
Within a half hour the Ambulance came and gathered Mathias up in a gurney rushing him to the hospital with Jan and Lukas speeding behind them in Lukas’ car. They were quiet the whole trip, Jan sitting in his Anxieties and Lukas in short controlled breaths and concentration.

\---

When the doctor talked to both of them, it was stated that fluids had gathered into Mathias’ lungs as he slept. He would have to stay until they could make him stable once more.

All Jan could think of was World War One.*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Eir is the healer of Asgard, the “Norse Hygeia” as some call her. Her name simply means “healer”. It is disturbing to some to see her listed among the handmaidens of Mengloth, a Jotun goddess.
> 
> *The influenza pandemic of 1918-1919 killed more people than the Great War, known today as World War I (WWI), at somewhere between 20 and 40 million people. It has been cited as the most devastating epidemic in recorded world history. More people died of influenza in a single year than in four-years of the Black Death Bubonic Plague from 1347 to 1351. Known as "Spanish Flu" or "La Grippe" the influenza of 1918-1919 was a global disaster.
> 
> \---  
> Influenza  
> PBS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcR0TmTT6Eo
> 
> Documentary on Influenza (This one is on the bird flu): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yV6uZSAeu8


	4. Testings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gah I'm so sorry for the lateness of this chapter I had exams and then BAM the world turned really slow o-o

"From what I can tell you he has," Sighing Jan leaned up against the wall, what he would do for a cigarette at the moment could've been killer, "What do you mean blood tests?"  
"There's a chance it's not fully gone so therefore we wait."  
\--  
"May who ever be up there bless you, are you sure you're not the goddess Idunn instead of Just Named after her?" Mathias smiled around his food after he bit his first bite, only receiving a laugh in return before a knock on the door and Mathias yelped for the person to come in and sit.  
"You seem better." Jan said, walking in through the door closing it.  
"I feel better." Mathias nodded, "though... Don't kiss me for a while.. apparently i got old as balls influenza."  
"I know the doctor told me." Jan nodded, sitting in the chair closest to him, "You won't be able to go home for a bit."  
"Can I have normal clothes at least?"  
Jan smiled, laughing lightly, "Lukas is on it."  
"I'll give you two some time." Idunn smiled, "remember, cafe food our little secret call me if you want more and I'll grab it quick."  
Mathias waved as she left before starting to pull on Jan's arm, "come on the bed and lay with me."  
Rolling his eyes he shook his head, "give yourself the air at least. you may stop breathing for all I know." a pout was set out in return, "you know you're being kept?"  
"really? I thought you meant till like the end of the day..." Whining Mathias sunk back into the pillow, "Well thank you to who ever is giving me the grit of it all..." He stuck his middle finger in the air, biting his lower lip as he did so,  
A short soft laugh bellowed from Jan, "I think that would make it worse."  
"shit I jinxed myself didn't I..." and once again there was a wide smile on his face, "hey... do you think, in the end of it all, when the world ends, will we still keep living?"  
"I think that would be the opposite of the world ending Math..." he replied, lips curved into a smirk, drowning with amusement, "We talk about the end too much, I'm starting to doubt it's coming. not to mention this isn't exactly the ti--."  
"you also doubt of a god yet we've seen them or him or her or they, not to sure... or at least Elizabeta has."  
"I never said that i doubt, and nor I've seen. I jut simply state I must be doing everything right cause he hasn't appeared in the clouds to stop me."  
Mathias just glanced at him with a oddly amused look, "calm down Simba."  
"just shut up and eat your food."  
\---  
"if I may, may I ask you more questions?"  
"I literally told you doc, I don't remember choking or not being able to breath. Did I occasionally stop breathing before and have a really hard time breathing? Yeah, case closed, I have minor short.. long... term memory loss and maybe a stick of asthma. May I PLEASE go home now?" Three days of questioning and Mathias was over the edge in frustrations with the repetitiveness, "and another thing.... How in hell do you guys think it relates? one is a disorder and the other a disease... from what I get or something or other."  
"you will go home in time... at the moment what we are expecting is that due to the incapability of your lungs we suspect that there is a chance that that's how it was easy to capture it. How you got this certain strand and since you were in no contact area, we weren't quiet sure... we're still figuring it out."  
"wow... do I feel ever better."  
The doctor patted his leg, "you'll be out tonight, if not tomorrow morning. your family have been notified as well as your friend."  
"partner... he's my boyfriend."  
He just simply nodded, not seeming to care before he left.  
Mathias turned onto his side towards the window, curling in on himself as he watched the sky, clouds slowly moving by as he tried to make out shapes in the puffs. Again a knock on the door and he didn't say anything to notify them to come in nor go. The door opened, Mathias cold hear the clacking of heels against the floor yet he didn't turn to look until he hear the chair scrap against the floor closer and a soft yet firm voice spoke.  
"Kongriet Danmark?"   
"Hej," He smiled, fully turning around to see his own boss sitting in the chair.  
"Kongeriket Norge called me a couple days ago and told me you woke." Her smile was kind, he liked her very much, "He also told me to wait a couple days... may I asked what happened?"  
Mathias sighed, pulling the blanket up a little more over his shoulders, "Apparently I stopped breathing and there was a bunch of liquid in my lungs. It's a very old strand of influenza."  
"How old?"  
"1910s old. World War One."  
He noted the flinch and the certan change in emotion, her discomfort showed as she repositioned herself on the chair.  
"It's not all bad though," He smiled, "Like I'm better that's all and..."  
"Danmark.."  
"You don't need formalities..."  
"Mathias..." She pushed her voice a bit, "Holland had asked me how the economy was and how the people were. I wanted you to know we're all fine."  
"I know." He smiled fondly, "Thank you."  
"Of course."  
"I promise you don't have to worry about me like look at me I'm already better." He gestured to himself with a giant smile placed upon his face, "I promise I'm fine. They said I can go home tonight or tomorrow morning, Jan will come with me and I'll be fine the big softy will take overly good care of me."  
Concern was still washed over her face still and Mathias knew nothing would be able to change that.  
-  
Within the next morning he was out of bed and staring out the window to gaze across the parking lot and see all the cars. No, it wasn't the nicest view but you couldn't always expect the nicest views. He honestly felt better knowing they would treat him the same in that regard to everyone else. beside him laid a bag of clothes Lukas had brought him days before, he started to feel as it necessary to actually change so he gathered the pair of jeans and a jersey up from the bag and made his way. Jan was in the room by the time he was done.  
He felt joy for the first time in days.


	5. Steady Breaths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haaaa sorry for the wait guys

"You know, I'm viciously surprised that you've made this recovery so quick. It would even take a nation longer to recover than how you did. Mathias... I don't feel it's over though, so after this maybe rest, okay?"

Mathias had nodded along to his boss' words, she had come for lunch for the past week, stating he should still be in bed rest until he, or moreso she, found him to be in a much better state of health than before. He wasn't fully listening to what she was saying, he didn't really want to hear of these suspicions she had over his health and well-being; nor did he care.

Was he wondering what was happening to his system? Very much so. He didn't go without a minute of his time were he didn't worry if he would go into another coughing fit. It didn't help that everyone else was putting these thoughts in his head, as if he was eternally sick. He looked at the fields from the porch instead of listening to the gab about health. Watching the wind brush up against the little sprouts of whatever the farmers next door were planning in the years, the cows wouldn't be out for a little longer, it was far to cold for them now. He trilled his finger over the rim of his coffee cup, trying to figure out on his own what his neighbor planted. He usually asked, but this time, he didn't get a chance. He hadn't been out on his morning runs since he'd been out of the hospital; and for him, bouncing in his chair, it made him even antsier.

"Mr. Holland told me about the appointment this coming week." She patted his hand, "Before he left I mean. But I want you to know if you want to talk..."  
"It's not that kind of appointment, I'll be fine. Have to go get tested and stuff, they want to draw blood."

"Not that one." She said a little cautiously, "Don't blame him for telling me, I wasn't going to leave him alone until he did."

He sighed, looking away but tried to give her a little smile, "Yeah well... It's just a normal thing... Nations go through a lot... Some of us just need a little help."  
That made him nauseous.

"It's not a bad thing you know."

"Yeah well... Just don't like swallowing a handful of pills if I have too or not. Now they want to see if I've developed a case of PTSD... I don't think I have it. I don't want another thing to swallow." He leaned back in the chair, "Feel as though I'm crazy."

"You're not."

"You don't know that." He joked but saw her serious expression and smiled at her fondly, "I know... I'm just excited with life." He gave a little laugh, "A bit high on it too."

"You may have to you know, with all you been through? With all you done."

"Yeah, well I was purely happy in medieval so I think I was okay... This is a bit of a heavy topic..." He perked a brow at her, "Happy happy remember?" He mock smiled.

She nodded, notes of worry over her face, "Well, the coffee's nice, the sun is bright, and you're breathing well?"

He nodded giving a considerate smile; it wasn't exactly a change of topic, but he'd take it. He drank sips of his coffee, watching as he saw his neighbour and his dog walking amongst the crops a bit far off in distance. He figured they were getting ready to let the livestock out. It was weird though, wasn't it a bit early for him to be planting anything at all? Realistically he didn't care but, something felt off, maybe it was because he was in the hospital that he was losing track of mind.

A quick check at her watch and Mathias watched his boss stand, "I'm so sorry but I'm late."

He laughed a bit, "Late for running me huh?"

Leaning over the table with a joke filled grin she pointed her finger at him, "To bed with you. And some exercise, a short walk would do you good."

She left after she helped bring the dishes in, he was in bed after he put the dishes in the washer. He contemplated running. Was it a good idea? Was it bad? Maybe it would be best to try even if he felt a bit sickly. He sprung from the bed, if he was going to do it, it was best to start that instant. Even if it was a jog or a walk he felt it would be a lot better than anything else. So he slipped on his gear, his shorts, his tight fit top, some socks, he was ready. Breathing in, he hoped Jan wouldn't be home until maybe tomorrow; the man hadn't been in his own country for a while and had only wanted to go back for a couple days. He was supposed to be back in Denmark tonight... Mathias just hoped he would relax and rest.

He rushed down the stairs to pull out his good runners from the closet and slipped them on slowly. taking in the slight rush of adrenaline that pre-run gave him. He was excited; he wasn't exactly allowed at first to run, everyone worried he'd keel over either from exhaustion or an asthma attack. He decided to keep his inhaler with him on this one, just in case anyone found out. Finishing with his shoes he stood, stretching his legs and arms out and making sure he was limber enough for the run. He had been lazy with it though, far too excited with the want and need to run.

When he opened the front door, he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath of air before stepping out. Hearing the door click behind him had never felt so relieving.

And with that, he began to run, taking his usual route on the county road so he could see the farms and the areas of flat land around him that seemed to have spanned eternity. He kept his breath in check, keeping it as steady as he could as he started out slow in a jog. His eyes glanced this way and that, trailing over the farms and the small sprouts that started to poke from the ground. He continued, jogging a little faster as he continued to keep his breath in check, occasionally pressing his fingers to his neck.

He was halfway through the first half of his run when he felt his cellphone buzz in his pocket. Stopping, he caught his breath before seeing it was Tino, and answering.

"Hey! How's it going?"

"Where are you? Berwald and I came to see how you are. Are you okay?"

He sighed, "Just out, I'll be home soon, go on in I'll be back!"

He heard Tino talking to Berwald, 'He's out on a run, shouldn't he be in bed?' then a grunt 'He needs it'. Bless them both, he thought.

"I'm heading back now so don't you worry okay? I feel great and if you want to do me a favour? Can you pull some fruit from the freezer?"

"Sure?" Tino said and Mathias knew he was nodding along with the phone.  
"Kay bye!" He clicked the phone shut, taking a breath in he put it back in his pocket. He was better, he knew he was and maybe after Tino of all saw it then the rest of them would get it too.

He sighed, he wanted his run to be longer than this. Well, they didn't know how far out he really was, was his thought to himself. Continuing his run he made it a little longer before heading back with a jog watching and waving at one of the dairy farmers that caught his eyes attention. He walked the last block, he knew it was kind of rude to make them wait that way but he wasn't usually allowed to go out for runs. He's tried before, and like this time there would always be someone waiting for him at home... He should really keep the door locked, he laughed at the thought.

Entering the home, he pulled off his shoes and shouted a hello. Hearing a couple back, he entered the living room to see Tino and Berwald on the couch together. Tino got up, his expression of worry and Mathias couldn't help but sigh and give a considerate smile. Tino came over and put a hand on his cheek than forehead.

"You're still very pale..." Tino noted, "A little warm too, you shouldn't be out it's still cool outside."

"I'm fine though, see?" Mathias smiled, holding up his arms and swaying them a little, "I feel good."

That didn't convince Tino in the slightest.

"You know I'm probably warm cause of the run?"

He shook his head, Mathias gave another sigh then a small laugh.

"Kay mom." He playfully mocked, "I'll be back, mind if I grab a shower?"

Both nodded, as he went off he could hear Tino voicing his concern over to Berwald.

\--

For the rest of the visit it was the same as anyone else’s, Tino voicing his concerns over the Dane's health and Mathias nodding along and stating what he has been doing to get himself better and exercise was one of them. It was to a point of annoyance now, his happy demeanor now turning bored and warranted. He was getting tired of this.

"I feel like in a couple of days you'll be right as rain though... You just need bed rest." 

He could feel his eye almost twitching at the thought. "I think I'm good. Honest." He offered a grin, "Think I need more sun than bed." He twiddled his fingers together, the other Nordics were so quiet it made him uneasy, "Only here to check up on me then? You’re really quiet... Tino I mean." He smiled at Berwald.  
"It's just... We're all concerned. After what Lukas told us..."

Berwald stood then, pulling Mathias to his feet. The man wasn't much on words but his actions were always sincere. The next thing Mathias knew he was walking out the door with the man, Berwald only muttering that they would be back.

\--

"I know, they're overly cautious." Berwald started after countless minutes of their walk, "They're just worried."

"And you're not?"

Berwald gave him a bland look, "Of course I am... But you need sun too... Bed rest is only good for the half of it." He wiped his glasses on the rim of his sweater as he stopped walking, Mathias waited for him, watching. "This is the most you've ever been silent."

"This is the most you've ever been vocal," Mathias teased back, "I need to enjoy this."

Berwald gave him a small smile, putting a hand on his shoulder, "You need to enjoy breathing. Seems you're having problems with it."

Mathias let out a nervous chuckle, "Yeah. Not anymore though." They continued walking, Mathias taking in deep breaths of the cool spring air and stretching his arms out to the sky. "I already feel better y'know." He stated a little loudly, "I don't need to be babied."

"Do you really think I'm doing that?"

Mathias gave him a questioning look.

"You obviously needed some air." Berwald stated simply before going completely silent again. He was right though, as much as the run did him well, sitting outside with his boss, he still craved it. It wasn't the only thing he was really craving though.

They spent some of their time tossing rocks in one of the small drainage ditches outside of the farm houses. They talked, of everything but sickness. Mathias hadn't been so relieved in his life for that, it had been so long since he had a plain and normal conversation. He was beginning to smile like he used too.

Berwald ran his hand through Mathias' hair, messing it up a bit before leaving it at the back of his head. "Glad to see you're finally better." He said, "Last thing I needed was a smile. Now... I know it's true."

\--

Weeks after his visit he noticed the phone calls in number began to decline. Jan was back at his home for a visit, brushing a hand through his hair in the mornings when he was particularly lazy to get up. He was better, they all knew that now, it was almost as if the disease wasn't even there in the first place. Only thing he didn't miss was the work he had to do.

His skin colour returned, his lungs didn't feel as stiff as they were before. He was well enough to run at full speed within the next week. He felt free, and that was all that mattered in this.

There were the dreams though, the terrors, he would still get them in his sleep and thrash about until he was up or calmed. It was what Ludwig suggested might have helped the illness hold its grip on the Dane last time they spoke.

He was just happy he could kiss again.

\--

He felt the brushing of the Dutchman’s lips on his neck in the morning, reaching a hand up he cupped the back of his head, murmuring that it was too early as he twirled his fingers in the others hair. There was the feeling of laughter on his skin and whispers of it being close to noon, the lips pressed to his neck again. They hadn't been this intimate in a very long time, the warm feeling in his chest and along his back hit a lot harder than he had intended. He turned then, "It's early for Saturday." He muttered before the lips touched his and he let himself lazily melt into it, a little too tired to do anything else but this.

They had late nights and late mornings together, it wasn't too often they saw each other so they made their nights far more eventful than before. Jan would leave after three days and within a week or two Mathias moved onward to see him and vice versa. It once had been longer, they had to wait for one another but they had progressed from just simple encounters at meetings. They became more than simple play things.

"How are you feeling?" Jan whispered when they settled again, Mathias' leg slipping between the Dutchman’s, his ankle sliding up the muscles of his calves.

"You worry too much."

"I worry enough."

Mathias rolled his eyes with a smile of mischief, "Cute..." He said with a small tease to his lips, "I'm fine, look at me." He gave him a smile, "Never felt so good."

"Good."

"Good." Mathias mocked back playfully before rolling on top of the Dutchman quickly, lowering himself so his lips would just barely touch Jan's, "I'm going for a run." And he was off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my awesome buddy Beta for the editing ;7;/) <3


	6. Trauma, Ease, and Itch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is a little nsfw  
> Also good news, the asshole Matt's talking about isn't PM anymore  
> Bloem: Belgium

"This is the biggest fucking sin of them all..." Mathias groaned a little to loudly as he flipped back the covers of the hotel blanket. He felt as if he was in the pit of hell from how hot it was outside, and the inside was no different, to him at least.

"How are you surviving this heat Jan? Honestly."

He only got a shrug from what he could tell from his Dutch counterpart, trying to see into the bathroom to see him. He heard Jan spit into the sink before he came out of the bathroom, wiping his mouth with a towel, "didn't feel this hot back then I guess. Kind of helps I had colonies in warm places."

Mathias gave another groan and a pillow had collided with his stomach, he could feel the fabric start to stick to his skin, he was way too hot.

"Go take a cold shower," Jan said pecking the other's nose with his lips, "You haven't been to a meeting in months, got to look your best."

Mathias snorted before slowly getting up off the bed, heading to the showers to keep the temperature at almost freezing. He eagerly stood under the shower's head, letting the water drip and trill down his body before turning it only a little warmer, trying to keep it cold without it being unbearable. He sighed, running hands through his hair, wishing he could just stay under the shower head for the rest of the day instead of walking out into the streets of Istanbul.

Jan had to pull him out of the shower an hour later.

He pulled on his suit, knowing full well halfway through the meeting most of the nations from the north would look completely disheveled; Matthew, Lukas, or Ivan were usually the first to go... Ivan was most to fall first. He wouldn't chuckle at that though, he was always short to fall after him.  
Why did they have meetings in such hot places anyway? He would've been just fine in somewhere that didn't feel like the center of hell. Especially in August. 

-

"Sorry, you know I tried to argue about the location but not many heard me out." Tino said softly as they entered the room. He clapped Mathias' shoulder, "Thought it would be bad for you... Even though you know, you seem healthier than ever."

Mathias just stayed silent but smiled at Tino with all the will he could muster before looking for and plopping into his seat. Berwald had sat to his left, automatically adjusting his tie loosely. Mathias leaned on him, taking in a deep breath.

"If there's a fight today I'm leaving." Mathias muttered against the stone man's shoulder. "Go for a smoke break or something."

"You shouldn't smoke."

"I shouldn't drink either, you don't see me dying."

Berwald just shrugged, opening up his notebook, "Where's your boyfriend."

"Sitting far away, something about us being 'distracting when together'. They're trying to break us up." He joked, grabbing one of the Swede's pens to start doodling on the paper, just little stick figures doing obscene things, he wasn't exactly the most known for art.

When the meeting started he sat back trying to listen as best he could before totally zoning out into his yellow paper notepad, using a black pen to write things down as best he could while he tuned in and out of conversations. At some point he was just sitting there in his chair, drawing circles on the baking in his seat, breathing in deeply and exhaling the same, exchanging breath for water when his throat got too dry. Pulling off his jacket he turned to glance at Jan, watching the man write and doodle into his notebook, his eyes stared into his binder with a mixture of boredom and lack of care. He sighed a bit, it would be another hour till this meeting closed and it was doubtful that they would be leaving early. There were two more day of this, it was making him hate that he couldn't die. He wiggled in his seat a bit to try and get himself to wake a little more, feeling a small tingle in his side he itched at it before leaning his head on the table. His phone buzzed silently in his pocket, reaching to grab it he sat back up glancing forward to see Jan's sister staring at him with concern

'Are you okay?' she mouthed at him.

He nodded, 'too hot.'

Making a face she nodded before going back to lean her chin on her hands watching whoever was speaking now. She was more used to the heat than he was, but at least she got it. 

He finally checked his phone.

[ If you need to step out, do it.] - Germany

He blinked at his phone for a second, looking up and over at the German man. He saw him nod and he got up, shoving his phone back into his pocket as he left the room. That was weird, he didn't question it further. The doors closed behind him and he headed to the bathroom, pulling out his phone again.

To Netherlands: [going to wash my face... I feel like I’m gonna puke.] 

[You okay?] - N

[To fucking hot... join me if you want.] - D

He pushed through the bathroom door, making his way over to sink and turned the faucet to the coldest setting, trying to cool off his face and neck.

His phone buzzed again.

[Do you need me there, cause I'll come. Bloem can give me notes later.] - N

[I should be fine. these meeting are stupidly long.] -D  
[Drinks after?] - D

[Definitely.] -N

He put his phone down again, feeling a tingle at his side he scratched at it before putting more water onto his face and neck. The door opened and Lukas walked through, moving over to the sink to do the same.

"You think these places would have air conditioning huh?" Mathias said with a tired smile.

"You think they'd have meetings in the northern countries during the summer..." Lukas replied, too exhausted to be snide, but just miserable enough to sound droll.  
Mathias pated his back, "Thought I saw fans in the convenient store down the street, we should get some."

"We’re only here for another two days."

"Still to fucking long for this heat."

One more splash of water and he attempted to fix his hair up before returning to the meeting, plopping into his chair next to Berwald and nudging him.

"You didn't miss anything," The Swede answered, "except the Koreas bickering for a couple seconds, Alfred looked like his buttons would pop right off from stress."

"You know him, he thinks he isn't an issue either."=

"He's reckless."

"He's war happy."

"Can you two be quiet? I'm trying to listen." Roderich whispered lowly to the two Nordics and Mathias found himself actually keeping quiet till the meeting was over.

-

The taste of bourbon on his lips felt stronger than it really was, why was it so hard to find Alcohol in this city.

He leaned back up against Jan, groaning from the heat, raising a hand up to play with some of his boyfriend's fallen hair. 

"I need a drink."

"You have a drink."

He looked at his glass, "I need a better drink than this one..."

He only got a snort in return followed by a small chuckle.

Mathias reached into his bag, patting around for the small stack of comics he got Alfred to bring him; he always liked nitpicking at the Thor comics. It was almost as if Al would listen to him if he nitpicked notes on how Thor was actually a red head and so on.

"You and Bloem, how do you find enjoyment?"

"Tells a good story and I like sci-fi or whatever.... Thought you'd like them too cause of the artwork."

"Not those styles." Jan watched him as the Dane took a pen and wrote on the comic, "What are you doing?"

"Nitpicking." He smiled, "Vikings didn't wear Armour unless it was leather... for the most part."

"They're just comics."

Mathias shot him a glare. Jan raised his hands up.

"Never mind then."

Mathias only patted his knee before drinking down the rest of his drink.

"How you feeling?"

"Over heated... Can we get a fan?"

"Sure? We have air con though in the hotel room."

"You act like it actually does something." He itched at his side, turning his head to press a kiss to the other's shoulder.

Another drink was placed in front of him, he asked for two more, they came soon after.

He drank a little faster, wanting to get a little buzz going before going up to the hotel.

"Don't think it will help but we can ask the desk."

"You're the best."

Jan pat his head before taking a long drink. Doodling in his book still with different coloured pencils, he stopped when he pressed too hard, ripping the paper. Swearing under his breath he scrapped it returning to his drink again.

"You stressed?" Mathias asked watching the crumpled paper roll on the table.

"Tired."

"You wanna use your hands for something better?" He smiled coyly.

The Netherlander didn't even glance at him, "Finish your drinks."

-

He found himself under the shower head again, the water was cold, a little past lukewarm.

It felt like bliss.

Especially since there were hand's roaming his chest, lips at the back of his neck.

Absolute bliss.

Wet locks stuck to their foreheads, bodies pressed together with a mixture of hot air and cold water. It was enjoyable, the mixture of the two, oddly enough to him.

"Do we have lube?" Mathias moaned, reaching back to clasp his hand to the back of Jan's neck, "Don't want to leave the shower. Don't exactly want to completely bareback at the moment."

"You know we do." Jan chuckled softly, nipping at his neck, pressing up against him as he wandered his hands down to take hold of his half hard erection. A hand slipped between his thighs as he pumped slowly with his other hand.

Mathias craned his neck back, leaning his head against Jan's shoulder, his lips pressing to the Netherlander's neck. A little moan seeped through his lips and against his neck, pressing his tongue against the skin he laughed a little when his hips bucked into Jan's hand, rolling his hips back to press up against Jan's growing hardness on the way back. He nipped at the skin before lips captured his own.

The hand gripping his thigh slipped away, pressing up against his ass. Fingers groping into the skin of the cheeks a little roughly. It was playful in a way, how he pulled and massaged his ass, pressing his hardness between them. Mathias would grind himself against it. He loved the marks his finger nails left.

"You like? Always knew that was your favourite place to be." 

Jan chuckled, looking back to where they put the lube, he reached back for it, keeping his eye on Mathias, who bent forward slowly, pressing his hands against the tiled walls of the shower. He swished his hip a little, letting out a sly smile when Jan wouldn’t stop staring.

With a playful chuckle, Jan pulled him back up against him, his hand sprawled over the Dane's chest as he kissed him passionately from behind. He slipped coated fingers between cheeks, swirling his finger around the rim of his entrance, pushing it through and up. A breathless moan purred out of the Dane's lips as a hand reached to grip the back of the Dutchman's hair. He worked his finger around, loosening Mathias up more, slipping in a second digit and hearing another breathy moan. 

"Go a little deeper, you're right on the edge." Mathias moaned biting at his lower lip, "Stop teasing me."

"What, you don't like it?" Jan slipped a third digit in when the other felt ready for it, hearing the soft whimper slither through Mathias' teeth, "I thought you liked a little build up."

"Shut up." Mathias laughed, pulling them into a kiss again, moaning as fingers spread and thrusted up into him repeatedly. Hips bucked back into the fingers as a shiver grew up his spine, he was almost to the point of shaking when the tips of the digits had pressed and slid against that one little spot within himself. He let out a moan so deep it was almost too filthy.

The fingers slipped away, he was turned to fully face Jan and kissed so deeply he felt his knees go weak for a moment. Jan's hands slipped down his ass moving past to cup his thighs, pulling him up aided by a little jump. Wrapping his legs around Jan, Mathias kissed deeper, slipping his tongue through his lips and past his teeth to play with the other muscle inside. Hands gripped at the fallen dirty coloured locks. He was pressed up against the wall, a deep sting hit into his back from the cold of the tiles. His back lifted from them, chest pressing against his partner's. Bites were driven into his neck, harder than the nips placed before. He hissed, smirking as he pushed the Dutchman's mouth deeper into the curve of his neck, craning to give him more access. He wanted those marks, deep and dark.

He let out a little laugh, hugging his legs a little tighter around the Netherlander's torso as he watched the man blindly reach for the lube, grabbing it and pouring a generous amount in his hand before starting to apply it onto himself. Mathias' mouth practically watered, swallowing hard before he felt the tip slowly enter him.

A tingle spread up his side, a heat up his spine, teeth wrenched into his neck, he dug his nails into the other's shoulder.

A low moan exited Mathias' lips again, waiting for the other to move; he leaned his head back against the wall, smiling when lips were pressed to his and Jan started to slowly move into him. He moaned, breathing though his nose as he kissed him deeply, trying to rock against him, to go a little faster. It was obliged in time, the thrusting picked up in pace and roughness and Mathias had been sent into rapid panting and breathless moans within seconds.

He swore under his breath, clasping his hands to the other's cheeks trying to keep him close enough to kiss the other man even deeper as he was ridden. His legs wrapped around tighter on the other's torso, tearing at Jan's lips with his teeth, letting himself bounce as the friction started to get more intense. All he could feel was ecstasy, soon it would reach pure bliss.  
It was short lived.

A pain shot through his side and he found his breath hitched in his throat. Panicking without breath he pushed and hit Jan's shoulder.

".. S-StOP!" He yelped as a shot hit into his side again.

Jan stopped trying to hide his face from the hits.

"what th--... What's wrong?" annoyed, It was obvious he was annoyed, but the expression stopped as he watched as Mathias clutched at his side, "Are you okay?"

"Think you're knocking me into the fucking..." He pointed to the tap, "that fucking thing."

Jan laughed a little, earning himself a hit to the arm. Pulling Mathias from the wall he paused for a moment, "Want to go to the bed?" He turned the water off.  
Mathias just continued to kiss the other man, "Just take it easy... Not too easy, just watch the metal."

They continued at a slower pace, kissing passionately as they picked up their pace.

Mathias felt a couple more shocks through the rest of their time but couldn't bare stopping again.

\--

He woke with aches and pains, and drenched in sweat. He groaned when waking, moving around to get up before arms tightened around his waist. Mathias groaned again pushing Jan's side a couple times before giving up, laying back down and turning to face him.

"Morning..." He said, sliding his fingers along Jan's cheekbone.

"Morning." Jan said, hugging him a little closer, "You okay there?"

"I'm Hot." Mathias complained, "You holding onto me so tight doesn't help."

A kiss was pressed to his lips before he let go. He instantly got up to go to the shower, turning it to freezing before undressing and stepping in, engulfing himself in the chill. He looked at the faucet knob. It was really low, sitting at thigh level... Hopefully Jan wouldn't notice that. 

He rubbed at his side that had sent jolts of tingles and stings through his system. 

He would ignore it, there wasn't anything there from what he could tell, and maybe he just strained a muscle.  
It didn't matter. It didn't seem to be there now so he guessed he was fine.

He just had to keep it quiet.

He slipped his hands through his hair a couple times before he lifted his arms above his head, stretching up to loosen his muscles before he cracked his back and shoulders. A soft knock came from the door before it opened and Jan poked his head in.

"Don't take too long I gotta shower too." He said before Mathias reached his hand out practically pouting at him, "Did want me to join?"

Mathias nodded, turning up the heat in the shower before starting to wash his hair. He wasn't going to get out until the last minute, the last second before that meeting.

As Jan stepped in Mathias moved a little in order for the other man to get to the water.

"This is freezing Math."

"I need it or I'm going to melt."

Jan only laughed, pecking Mathias' lips before turning up the heat a little bit more.

"How's your side?"

"Not bruised," Mathias smiled running his hands up and down his back with some soap, "Do you think we'll get a longer break today?"

"Not really," Jan said simply, "I really doubt it."

Mathias yawned, he wasn't looking forward to the meeting. He never really did, but today he felt more exhausted than before.

-

It was the heat that made him feel sick again, it had to be that and nothing else because this was ridiculous. His head reeled in pain, slumping in his chair he pressed a hand to his sweaty forehead, it felt hot. He wiped the sweat away. Three hours in, they had fifteen minutes until it was break and he could dunk his face in some water, finally. He was just waiting for those words from Sadiq, those  
words that would say "break time, we will continue in an hours’ time."

And when it did he practically burst out of his chair to head to the washroom, meeting Matthew in there who had the same idea. The poor kid looked exhausted from the meeting, sweat stains at his pits and back, it was apparent that he shaved really close to avoid the heat.

"Ever feel like Northern nations get the shortest end of the stick when it comes to the summer?" Matthew's words almost sounds bitter.

"It's almost like they want us to drown in our own sweat." Mathias smiled at the other man who was patting around for his glasses. He handed them to him.

"I think they just think it's freezing all year round in our nations... Oh! Thank you." He took the glasses with a smile, why did he need them again? Something about gunpowder in his eyes centuries ago? 

"I know Al thinks Southern Ontario is full of ice but it can get up to 30 degrees there sometimes. People like hot in summer, that's how they are."  
Mathias hissed with a little laugh. "Not too bad though, 30."

"Depends who you are." Matthew smiled, wiping his face with a towel, "Jan still out there? Gotta catch up with him."

"You know it," Mathias nodded. "That or smoking, I'd check there first."

"Thanks!" Matthew waved before exiting the restroom, he was always a nice kid.

I was a shame that he was almost completely cast aside.

Mathias returned to the sink, splashing some water on his face before looking at himself in the mirror then the door. He touched his side, it was a little tender but he figured it would go away...  
It felt wrong...

It felt too familiar, a bad familiar....

... Like he had it before.

He shook his head, splashing some water on the back of his neck. 

It was too horribly familiar.

He walked out of the bathroom, feeling a small shock of pain and clutching at his side a little, he stood straight holding in a pained face and shot a smile to the other nations who walked by. He waved as they smiled and ushered himself out for a cigarette. 

"Mathias!" Matthew waved him over, a hand over his mouth with fingers plugging his nose. The Canadian too polite to ask them to blow in a different direction. Jan was the only one seeming to actually care, directing his smoke up.

"Hey!" Mathias smiled kindly, walking over to them both, instantly reaching into the inside of Jan's suit jacket to steal a cigarette from him. He lit up, taking in the first inhale and blew upwards so it wouldn't go into Matt's face.

"Maybe we should move away from the other smokers."

"I tried offering that but...”

"I don't want to be any bother." Matthew stated waving his hand in front of his chest.

Mathias hugged an arm around the Canadian's shoulders, "You're not, come on and lets go to a place you can breathe."

They practically pulled Matthew away from the rest of the group, bringing themselves over to a bench to sit. There wasn't much wind, so the smoke seemed to linger more than it should have. Mathias tried his best to fan it away with his hands.

"So Mattie, how've you been?"

"Good." Matthew nodded, "Well that's not all true but... It's been okay."

"You know who being an asshole again?" Jan started, lighting another cigarette for himself.

"He's been an asshole since 2006..." Matthew sighed, "So many people hate him and for good reason."

"Well you have election, that'll fix it right."

"He may cheat the vote again." Matthew looked up for a second, "This weather is gross, and it makes me miss my winters oddly enough."

"Can we not talk about it, only makes me feel even hotter than it is." Mathias groaned a little, Matthew smiled at him with a little sympathetic laugh.

They were called back in not too long later, Mathias only felt they were going into Hell. A very boring hell.

Getting up off the bench he found himself sitting back down really quick with a shock through his side, he clenched, trying to not look as if he was in pain

"You okay?" Matthew asked, reaching an arm out to catch him.

"Yeah uh... Just lost my balance." He lied, nodding along as he stood up.

Matthew's eyebrows knit together in worry, but he didn't push it any farther than that but offered to help walk him over to the room. As if he knew something was wrong. And as much as there was  
something wrong, he rather had not let ANY other nation know, therefore he played phone tag with Matthew via text message throughout the rest of the meeting.

-

His leg slipped up to the other' thigh as they were entangled on the bed, it was too hot to be laying with each other but Mathias felt like he needed to be really close to the Dutchman as much as he could. His nose rested along the curve of the other's neck, taking in his scent with every breath. He kissed lightly at the other's collar bone.

"It's 12 am." Jan said in a husky voice, clearing his throat after to continue, "We should go to bed. The meeting starts earlier tomorrow."

"Not yet." Mathias nuzzled a little closer, "I'm enjoying this."

"Did you want me to read you a story too?"

"Kinda." He joked, looking up at Jan.

In return Jan pressed a deep kiss to his lips, Matthias complied back with one just as deep and a bit more passionate. Turning slowly, keeping their lips locked, he pulled himself up to straddle Jan's hips. His fingers glided along the Netherlanders cheek and jaw bones, the structure of the man's face almost like a sculpture's. He slipped his tongue past Jan's lips but had the Dutchman's tongue meet his half way. Letting the muscles glide together. Jan laid back a little more, hands slipping to Mathias' hips and gliding up to his back letting one hand continue up. Reaching into fluffy locks Jan spun the golden threads between his fingers, feeling the soft texture in his hands, the hair so lightweight it was like a cloud. Jan started to sit up, pushing his hand against the bed to steady his weight as Mathias kept their kiss intact. They took themselves in, slowly, letting themselves be there in that moment, remapping every inch of their lips, their tongues, teeth and cheeks. With a small nip at the lips and heavy breaths they broke apart a smile spread across their lips.

"That's some story..." Mathias remarked, catching his breath, "How does it end?"

"It doesn't yet." Jan replied softly, moving hair away, fingers trailing their way along Mathias' jaw.

I hope it doesn't, Mathias thought giving the other man another kiss before he laid down beside him, taking him by the hand. "Keep writing it."

They fell asleep on the hour. And though the sleep seemed peaceful through the night, Mathias started to twitch and turn, groan and shake.

The terrors hadn't bothered him this bad in a while, Jan usually was able to wake him up when they started. Tonight he almost thrashed the Netherlander as he tried to wake him. And though he settled,  
he didn't wake, just slept in the Dutchman's arms as if nothing happened.

The screams were silent, as if he wasn't breathing.


End file.
